An Open Letter to My Younger Self

About a year ago, Oprah asked some prominent women to think about what they would say to their younger selves, if they were given the chance to talk to the girls they once were. She published their letters in her magazine. Among the women were Hillary Clinton, author Edwidge Danticat, Maya Angelou and Maria Shriver. It got me thinking about some of the things I would say to my younger self with the knowledge I have today, if I had such an amazing opportunity.

I am writing to Marilyn in 1984. She is 14 years old and about to leave the bruised and battered cocoon of junior high school. It hasn’t been easy and she is anything, but hopeful. From junior high, she is taking some answers with her, but mostly she is heading out with infinitely more questions.

Dear Marilyn,
I hope you know how special you are and how many gifts God has bestowed upon you. Despite this, you seem to have low self-esteem and an innate ability to second-guess yourself at every turn. Things will get better. Trust me! I want to help you along this rough path of adolescence. Lord knows it is a challenge for all us girls! Keep the following in mind as your make your way through this life. Navigate with confidence and know that in the end you will be all right.

Be true to yourself above all. Shakespeare endures for a reason. You owe the truth to yourself always. Don’t be persuaded by any girlfriends, grown-ups or smelly boys into thinking your can’t do something, should do something or aren’t good enough for something. You can and you are! When someone says something is a good idea, no matter how good the friend is, let your guide come from within because no one has your best interest in mind more than your true spirit does.

The girls who torment you today will not be around tomorrow. As enormous as these problems and issues seem now, they’ll be part of a bad memory tomorrow and certainly will not affect the woman you could become, unless you allow it.

There are some rough days ahead for you – it’s life, therefore inevitable. However, you are stronger than you know and you will endure. Whether the problems come in the form of illness, loss, mistakes, unfortunate happenings, or otherwise, know that you’re never given more for your plate than you have the strength to handle. And even when you’re at your lowest point and think you can’t take another minute of it, you can, you will and you will overcome. Don’t look over at your friend’s plate and think hers looks less complicated or painful. It is only a testament to your strength that yours is overflowing.

Please quit looking in the mirror and then putting yourself down. You’re beautiful at this age, and at every age going forward, your beauty will be different, but ever present. Stop telling your image that you are too fat, too ugly, not pretty enough, not tall or short enough. Stop hoping to fix this, that and the other thing. Stop wishing you were blonde if you’re brunette, a redhead if you’re a blonde, straight or curly if you’re either. Truth is that, come tomorrow, you will be old enough to decide how and when to change yourself and you’ll have your own money to do it with.

Quit obsessing over the brand stuff your parents can’t afford and stop trying to make them feel bad about it! In your future, if you decide a brand is what you want, you can go ahead and use your own cash and judgment to make it possible. They are doing the best they can for you! When you’re my age, you will appreciate them so much more. You will agree with them so much more, even though that seems unfathomable now. Despite what you think, they are cooler than you give them credit for. When they are gone, you will regret how much the nonsense means to you now.

Everyone says it, but I will take a different spin on it to make it more accepting to you. Stop trying to grow up so fast! Do you have any idea what a gift youth is? You are rushing time and there is no need to. There will be plenty of time, so please pace yourself. What you think is monumental now will be laughable in your future.

Stop stuffing your bra, your boobs will grow – believe me! And when they do, you will be sentenced to x-amount of years hauling those watermelons around in a shoulder-torturing contraption straight out of medieval times! Stop sweating it out because your friend got her period and you didn’t. When you finally get it, you will want to kick your own ass for wanting it so badly! Stop sneaking around putting make-up on. Do you have a clue how lovely your bare skin is at your age? You don’t actually need any make-up and when the time comes that you do, you will find it more of a chore than a joy.

Do not pick up that cigarette. Just don’t. When and if you do, you will harm yourself in more ways than you comprehend – your skin, your hair, your teeth, your growth, your fertility and you lungs will all be victims of your reckless choices.

No matter what you may think about that boy right now, he will be but a wisp of lint in your memory 20 years from now. What he says to you and how he feels about you now are so not important. I know you don’t believe me, but it is true. Make your decisions based on what you need and how you feel and don’t think that if you don’t do what he wants, he won’t like you anymore. The truth is that if he doesn’t like you anymore, then you are one lucky girl.

Give yourself the gift of time. WAIT before you have sex. Your body is precious, pure, and private. Treat it like the treasure that it is. Although the hormones are surging and the feelings are mounting, what feels like love is merely lust and lust evaporates. If you give yourself to that boy, it is the same as losing yourself to YOU! The saddest part of it is that once he walks out that door he will either forget all about you, or betray you by sharing the news with his friends. Think about it! You have a lot more to lose by this decision than he does. If the mistake results in a bump, he can walk away, but you can’t. You can’t see it now, but when it is that one right person, you will wonder why you ever thought the day wouldn’t come. When you find that one right person, hold on tight and don’t let go because you’re the luckiest girl on earth right now!

Take advantage of all the education that is offered to you. If you find it boring, or tedious, you’re not really paying attention. Never think that science, or math, or history isn’t for you. Drink all you can of it in for as long as you can. In the future, you will have to pay dearly so that someone can teach you. It is free to you today because you’re a kid. Jump all over it. Every time you consider playing hooky from school, understand that learning goes on, even if you’re absent. The “uncool” kids who stay behind and take advantage of it are the ones who will be your boss later in life. Stop yourself from thinking that you will never use what you learn. Even if all you ever use it for is to one day participate in a conversation at a social gathering, you will be eternally thankful to have the common ground to your advantage. Know that you can learn all the science and math that the boys learn and you can be good at it, too. Strive for college, even if you’re only in the sixth grade. Go to class each day as if it is a step up toward the big college in the sky. Grant every class, teacher, course load, semester and year the kind of respect and attention you want granted to you.

Be ambitious and strive for better. Know that what you are and what you have now is but a speck in this world and there is so much more beauty, goodness, fun, excitement, pleasures, passions and good fortune to be had. Aim to see the beautiful planet from which you are a member. It is all there for the taking, just play your cards right!

You know that one thing you absolutely love to do – talk – draw – act- sing – write – read – run – sew – skate – knit – swim – or dance? That is your passion, run with it! Your happiness lies within! That’s your little inner voice that is eons more mature and more special than you know. LISTEN to her! She will never steer you wrong! If she tells you that man’s no good for you, listen. If she tells you that friend is lying to you, listen! If she says you’ll be in danger if you go there, don’t go! If she says you should take that job, go for it. If she says it’s time to see the doctor, make an appointment. You will stumble and fall a lot less if you follow her lead.

Last, do not be afraid! Do not ever be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you believe. You’ll regret it later and talk yourself into the ground, if you don’t. Do not be afraid to raise your hand in class – even if you get it wrong, you’ll have made an effort and someone will eventually give the right answer that you can learn from. Do not be afraid to say no – saying yes every single time will get you nowhere, but exhausted. Do not be afraid to ask for what you need. Do not be afraid to question the reasons you are given. Do not be afraid to question people who are older or smarter – they are human too and they make mistakes. If it sounds wrong to you, question it. Do not be afraid to walk into a room full of people and look every last one of them in the eye. Do not be afraid to stand before a crowd, if you believe what you have to say needs to be heard. Do not be afraid to be yourself, even when your self is a quirky, different sort of person than people expect. Respect everyone, but do not tolerate injustices against you. Be kind and good because to be mean is to waste good human existence. Smile. You will be fine. I know this for sure.