The Saga of Tatiana Del Toro
If you’re a fan of American Idol, as I have made clear that I am, then you know exactly whom Tatiana Del Toro is. If you do, then you’re probably wondering two things. The first is why would I devote time and energy to write about one of the most nails-on-chalk-board annoying people to cross the small screen since Omorosa appeared on The Apprentice’s first season. The second is why the hell do I think she merits such an honor?
Well, let’s start with the obvious. Tatiana Del Toro is anything but ordinary. She leapt onto Season 8 of Idol’s San Francisco auditions lugging a trunk of over-the-top drama right behind her. She has portrayed herself as some sort of victim of an industry that is missing out on her talents as a singer. It is all about her life, her dream, her existence, and her magnificence. It’s Tatiana Del Toro’s planet – we’re just chilling on it.
The child is a delusional drama queen in the most vulgar sense of the word. She will use her crying and whining and begging skills to get her way. And when she gets her way, her repetitive, cackling laughter will filter through to your bones making you consider such unusual actions as strangulation. OK, perhaps that a bit harsh, but I am trying to paint a picture here.
Here is the best image I can conjure up for you using only words. Tatiana Del Toro is a five foot three inch (give or take an inch) spitfire from San Juan, Puerto Rico. Her raven hair cascades in waves around her pale, heart-shaped face. Her pear-with-legs shape makes certain clothing looks silly on her. She is best dressed in that floor-
length bohemian gown she donned one day. She is poorly dressed in the sequined mini she threw on for last night’ unfortunate appearance. She nails the serious, sex kitten, pretty, girl-next-door face easily for pictures, but when she opens her mouth to speak, cry, or sing, she makes you wish you only got her on film and left it at that.
Tatiana Del Toro is shameless. Yet, several times it seemed the judges saved her from the demise of early Idol elimination. Her first save came after the stomach churning dramatics of Hollywood week – where she pissed off her own group then attempted to latch on to other groups that did not want her. Even then she became like the poisonous ingredient when, in a dramatic move made to boast suspense, Tatiana Del Toro was removed from her room of waiting contestants and placed into another room. Everyone visibly cringed when Tatiana Del Toro came in, believing themselves doomed on the spot by the change. She sensed the unwelcome nature of the room, and huddled alone in a corner to await the decision. It would be a place she would have to grow accustomed to as, week after week, it became more apparent that Tatiana Del Toro was persona non grata everywhere she showed up.
Then again just this week, during the Wild Card selection, Tatiana Del Toro reappeared as a choice of one (or all) of the judges even after America’s early voters had sent her packing. It is difficult to comprehend why, in a dismissed group of true talent, the judges again went about salvaging her among the ruins of the ones who made it to Hollywood, only to have to turn right around when they couldn’t handle the pressure of the must deplored Hollywood week.
There was sustained disbelief when Tatiana Del Toro’s name was called as one of the Wild Card picks, while the likes of true beauty and vocal excellence, Felicia Barton, was sent home empty-handed. What, other than the ratings garnered by her antics, could these judges be thinking? How can they expect to keep their (and the show’s) credibility in the face of such obvious favoritism? In all sincerity, I want to know why they could even think for a second that she of the on-demand tears could have had even an ounce of a chance to go far in this competition?
Let’s look back at seasons of the show that have passed. There are moments where, as the show whittles down to its expected outcome, unless you come packing your nerves of steel, you just won’t survive. How could someone like Tatiana Del Toro, who crumbles into an incoherent mess of crocodile tears and mumbles of gratitude, be a contender? She could not. She could, however, as Paula Abdul pointed out to her upon her long-awaited and final departure, find a career in acting.
Last night, after lost opportunities and chances, Ms. Tatiana Del Toro added heavily accented Latina to her repertoire of skills. Paula quickly pointed out to her that it was something new and, as my good friend Paula (not Abdul) pointed out, she tried riding Jorge Nuñez’s coattails by claiming, as he did, that when she became nervous she too could only think in Spanish while attempting to translate her thoughts to English. Riiiigght! Her tall tale fell on deaf ears.
Her time was dwindling and everyone knew it, but Tatiana Del Toro. Last night, she bid farewell for good to the Idol stage. She made a big mistake in her song choice. Coming on for a last performance made possible by her Wild Card pick, she sang her little heart out to a song she has performed, in Simon Cowell’s estimation, three times before. And he was quick to point that out to her. Sure she can sing it, but what else can she do? It seems not much of anything. When Simon called her out on it, in true Tatiana fashion, she spilled some gibberish in the form of excuses and then he called her out on that, as well. She butchered her last chance and no manner of pleading would change that this time around. Meanwhile, all that crossed my mind was good riddance to bad Tatiana.
The outcome of the saga of Tatiana Del Toro could not have ended any differently than it did. Thankfully, it did so sooner, rather than later. This was something that could very well have carried itself out in painful weekly stretches until the end. What most every viewer wanted and hoped for came to be. She did not make it to the Top 12 – now 13, thanks to Anoop Dawg. They did not give her another pass. She did not get another undeserved chance. Her time was up like the sands of the hourglass – one she kept flipping each time it seemed she would have to go.
The visibly unstable Tatiana Del Toro is gone, but not soon forgotten. She is the kind of human being that leaves a lasting impression, but not in a good, fuzzy feeling sort of way.
Indelibly, what remains of the days of Tatiana Del Toro are the scorched eyeballs and scathed eardrums of the Idol viewers. In another few years, assuming Idol can survive a few more seasons without being laughed off its network, Tatiana Del Toro will be but a blip in their radar. She will have attained only as significant a place in Idol history as William Hung and Sanjaya Malakar. And the only remnants of her having been there at all will be as a direct result of the written word, such as the ones on this very page right here.
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