Total Idol Recall

Folks, we are on our way to the finals. No, not really … but the race has clearly begun.

With just nine contestants left (eight after tonight’s results show), it’s time to start picking the favored and the favorites from the bunch. Who is slated to take it all in the end?

Well, my fine-tuned opinion gauge tells me that just as last year’s finale, this season 8 of Idol will also end with the last two MEN standing. Who will those men be? Most likely we will see sentimental heartthrob Danny Gokey penned against ambiguously interesting Adam Lambert. Bringing up the third wheel, I believe, will be the consistently annoying and sexually suggestive 16-year-old Alison Iraheta.

What can throw a monkey wrench into my carefully laid out predictions? If the frenetic fan base of both Adam and Danny cancel each other out and the teens, ‘tweens and dirty old men of American vote Alison into the top spot. That, my dear friends, would be a travesty!

Onto last night’s live performances. I’m going to take them apart piece-by-piece, singer-by-singer.

First up: Anoop “Dawg” Desai. He decided to sing Usher’s Caught Up. Now, I am not a fan of Usher or his music, so the song – whether it is popular or not – was lost on me. Perhaps I am starting to show my age. I thought Anoop’s voice was ok, but that song was just all over the place. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of it and by its end, all I was thinking was: “Someone shoot him and put him out of his misery." I knew Simon Cowell was going to have a field day at his expense and good old Simon did not disappoint. I simply adore when he uses that very British of expressions and calls a singer's performance “Rubbish”, or when he proclaims a performance to be “bloody awful”. You’ve got to love those Brits! So what’s the verdict? Anoop Dawg is in trouble for sure tonight.

Up next: The truly stomach-turning Megan Joy Corkey. Megan lost the Corkey a couple of weeks ago and now goes simply by Megan Joy. The quirky in Corkey is still there, but the novelty has worn off. Her rendition of some old Bob Marley/Lauren Hill remake song, Turn Your Lights Down Low, was as painful to watch, as it is to type up now. She just needs to know that she is more Amy Winehouse and less Lauren Hill and then maybe…just maybe…she will have a shot in hell. Maybe not. I see the door hitting her on the ass on her way out tonight. Not only should she be in the bottom 3 tonight, but girlfriend needs to be the Exit Stage Left girl tonight. She is completely out of her league at this point.

Next up: The much loved, though visually challenged Scott McIntyre. Scott is a musician. No one here is disputing that. He is legally blind, but like his predecessors, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder to name but two, Scott writes music, sings and plays the piano. He is talented and he has some impressively fine tuned skills. And although the last couple of weeks his performances have left judges and audience alike wondering if he can go much further in the competition, last night Mr. McIntyre redeemed himself. He put concerns to rest when he belted out a stripped down, pleasant and skillful version of Billy Joel’s Don’t Go Changing. The judges were impressed. Were you? Scott might just have done enough to keep himself out of the bottom 3 tonight and live to sing another week!

ONIMTG? What does that anagram mean? It means: Oh no, is Matt to go? It means that the next guy up is in jeopardy. The super gifted, super sexy, super singer Matt Geraud sadly disappointed last night. Doing what I believe is an unpopular song titled You Found Me by The Fray, Matt took a chance and did not live up to expectations. His vocals were weak and the song seemed all over the place. Did he do enough? He was in the bottom 3 last week after a great and much praised performance. Who knows if he did enough? Yet Simon did make a good point – the judges loved him last week and he still landed in the bottom 3. This week they panned him across the board – maybe that is the key to staying another week for Matt Geraud. Either way, I see Matt warming one of those three unwelcome stools tonight.

REDEMPTION Y'ALL! Danny Gokey is in the building! And thank goodness for Danny Gokey! Each and every week that boy has been consistent – consistently excellent - consistently likeable and consistently right about the songs he sings. Last night ….it was no different. He went with what has worked for him before by serving up his own version of Rascal Flats’ What Hurts the Most. And if you know anything at all about Danny Gokey’s heartbreaking journey through the grief of losing his young wife, the song took on a whole new meaning. I have to give the boy his props for being able to keep it together until the end. I know I wasn’t able to do the same!

And the score is: Lil Rounds tackled Celine Dion and she lost - miserably. She did Celine Dion's I Surrender and it was just...well...strange. That is not good for several reasons. It tells the audience (and judges) that she has her limits and that another Celine she will not be. Poor Lil – her lil girls are so cute too! Where did Lil go wrong? Well, everything from her lumpy dress (Baby got mad junk in the trunk) and the China doll wig to the overdone make-up was just….bad. Is Lil in the Bottom 3? Maybe not this week, since Megan, Anoop and Matt will be sitting in the chairs.

Ugh! You know if I could avoid talking at all about the next one up, I would. But seeing as she will probably be the last woman standing, I have to say a couple of things about Alison Iraheta. Her version of No Doubt’s Don’t Speak was best left unspoken. First of all, she terrified children and grandmothers across the nation with whatever the hell she wore and with her finger-in-the socket hair. Then she hung a guitar precariously on herself – and strummed one string – pretending to be a seasoned musician. The scary part is that she has the judges fooled. I for one am so over her raspy voice and crazy appearances. The only thing I keep thinking to myself is: If this girl becomes the next American Idol, Heaven forbid, does it give free license to all 16-year-olds (and under) in America to begin to dress like street-corner hookers? God, I hope not! As far as the song – she rushed it, she tried to give it an edge it did not need (it’s Gwen Stefani, for crissake!) and she came across as a woman 100 years her senior, seasoned and over. It was definitely not young and contemporary. Needless to say, the praise given to Alison each time she belts one out means she will not see the bottom 3 for a long time….

The Ambiguity of Adam Lambert is a source of constant chatter for me. Some weeks, I can barely stand to look at him and other weeks, like his Elvis-themed physical appearance last week, I just adore him. Last night Mr. Lambert did his own thing with Wild Cherry's 1976 hit Play That Funky Music. It is cool to see a “white boy” dancing to that “funky music til [he] dies”. This guy’s got quite a few things going for him – first are those Lite-Brite blue eyes of his. They pierce right through your TV screen and nail you right in the heart. Then there is that absolute comfort he has on stage – the swing, the swagger, and the making love to the audience thing – yes, it is all working for him. Now, I can do without the tongue scream. In case you’re not familiar, the tongue scream is this thing he does – signature sound, if you will – where he screams this mind-blowing high note and must have his tongue almost totally outside of his mouth to accomplish it. I am done with that Adam, do you hear me? Stop it now! Will he see the bottom 3? Not in this lifetime.

I went and saved the best for last! The last man to sing it last night was Kris Allen. And I would like to say – in my best ghetto-speak – that Kris Allen done sunged it! Kris had the wherewithal to take on Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine- a song most kids today would refer to as older than dirt and perhaps equate with their grandparents – and he made it new, fresh and totally recordable. Hello? Yes, is this Clive Davis? Have a got a star for you! Kris gave me (judge Kara DioGuardi) and I am sure thousands of girls across this great nation (and some boys too!) a serious case of the goose bumps! His rendition, as his sexy arms played the piano, was spot –on impeccable and painfully beautiful. Too bad he is married. Oh, wait – I am married too! Oh well…two ships passing in the night! Kris Allen – once perhaps obscure by his “forgettable” every-guy look is gone and this new Kris is ready to be a contender. He came to conquer and last night, he showed what he is made of.

The show ended on a high note with Kris Allen. The dialing frenzy started soon thereafter, I am sure. Those 866 (not 800) numbers were burning lines across the land. Who did you vote for? Well, I am a sucker for a happy ending, so I tossed the bigger chunk of my votes toward Danny Gokey – but unwilling to part ways with Kris or Adam, I voted for them as well. Who didn’t I vote for? No love for any of the ladies. Why? Simply because it is obvious that the remaining ladies in this competition are out of their league. In the company of these incredibly talented boys, they don’t stand a chance. Stay tuned…