IDOL: The Forgettable Year

There is a reason I haven't written one thing this season with regard to American Idol. Truth be told, I am forcing myself to watch this year purely out of a sense of loyalty for a show I have been a fan of since its inception. But you know, the honeymoon is definitely over.

Sure, it is the first year Idol is on without Paula Abdul and I could use that as an easy excuse, but that isn't it. She might have been deemed crazy, but I think she is crazy like a fox. She knew a sinking ship when she saw one.

And so does Simon Cowell, apparently. It's no secret that Mr. Cowell is on his way out of Idol following this season. He is probably as skilled at sniffing out the end of a road, as he is at sniffing out new talent. Fear not, though. We won't be completely stripped of Mr. Cowell's acerbic commentary, if his dream to bring British hit show "The X Factor" to America comes to fruition. And what we do know of this man is that he can turn a dream into reality pretty quickly.

But I digress... It is neither Simon, nor Paula, it is not the amazing Ellen Degeneres, nor the often annoying Kara DioGuardi, and finally it is not the Dawg himself, Randy Jackson who have turned me off Idol this year. I can't blame the show for trying new things. Getting Ellen to judge on the show was a coup, but even she hasn't made the difference in viewership expected.

This year the blame for its lackluster existence can sit squarely on the shoulders of the doldrums of contestants, which have been narrowed down to seven, following this week's double elimination. Unlike previous Idol years, this year's wannabe winners show zero sense of originality, positively no enthusiasm for their coveted circumstances, a lack of overall appeal, no sentimental attachments and a real problem standing out in a crowd.

I want to have a stand-out supernova who makes me want to vote until my dialing finger cramps up. I want that natural-born, God-given talent who doesn't have to try too hard to be incredible. I want to root for that sweetly under appreciated underdog who belts one out one night and blows everyone away. I want that rebel who doesn't give a rat's ass what Simon says and won't go behind the stage after a critique and cry like a toddler. I want the fire! But all I have seen this year is some dying embers with tiny flickers now and then. It's sad really...

Even the so-called stand-out Crystal Bowersox (whose name I actually had to google right now for accuracy), hasn't hit a point in the show where I have thrown my favor directly at her. In fact, until just now, I called her 'the dreadlocks girl with the bad teeth'. That's not a good thing!

Big Mike is, well, a big guy with a sweet voice. If you happen to live in one of New York City's five boroughs, then he's you're hometown favorite. He had his high opinion of himself knocked down a couple of notches when he ended up nearly eliminated two weeks ago, but the judges made their save and so he is back to thinking he is worthy. For me, Big Mike is nice and all, but he feels the need to R&B-ize everything he sings and that's getting old mighty fast.

There is one girl - Siobhan something-or-other - who someone had the audacity to say was Adam Lambert's counterpart this year. What? Um, no! She is just weird in that unappealing way you can't care about, unless she is getting on your last nerve. Then you just care that she ends her song and gets off the stage. She is not in any league with Adam. He has a certain crazy charisma you can't buy, can't manufacture and certainly can't imitate and do it justice. She is just there like a hanger waiting to wear a quirky outfit. Adam, on the other hand, is making his super star dreams come true, despite coming in second last year.

And what of our winner from last season, Chris Allen? Yes, I think that's a Ford commercial calling for him...

I think Adam was an excellent mentor this week. I'm not afraid to admit that I first laughed at the idea of having him mentor. I mean, didn't he just become famous 15 minutes ago? But he fooled everyone. Mostly because he is passionate about life and everything in it. He is what Idol contestants should be - a truly hungry-for-fame, raising-the-bar kind of performer. You could feel Adam's anxiety and frustration at the lack of sparkle from the contestants this year. No one was emanating winner to him. I could tell he wanted to shake them for it - or perhaps slap them around a bit!

What pained me most this week was that it was Elvis Week. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am a lifelong fan of Elvis. I spent a week in Memphis and my birthday at Graceland in 2003. I have eaten a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich at the now defunct Elvis's Memphis restaurant, just because Elvis loved it. I am the fan who knows all the lyrics and will sit through all the movies, no matter how corny and poorly acted. I know that Elvis was, above all things, a magical performer. He got on the stage and became someone - something - else. I only wish I had seen him live even once in my lifetime, but I was born too late for that. So when I heard the Idols were doing Elvis songs, I was almost excited...almost!

During Elvis Week at Idol, I expected (wanted) that one performer we've been missing to come out from under and show everyone else how it's done. I expected thunder and lightening - whether by pyrotechnics or emanating right from a singer. (Adam Lambert's performances should have shown them how to put on a show!) I expected showmanship and stage presence. I expected the one with the gusto to leap out at me from the television and claim his (or her) spot at the top. Instead, the idol renditions of Elvis's music were all just blah - and I am being kind. They managed to suck the life right out of songs that have infused life into people for years. There was no hip gyration or lip curls. There was no engaging the audience in a kind of sweaty, sexy free-for-all dance. There was no deep stares into the camera for effect. There was no blatant flirtation with the camera.

With their half-assed, mediocre, unfeeling performances, the Idols managed to do what even I thought was impossible. They managed to bore me with Elvis music. I was forced to update my facebook status immediately after the show with this: "Somewhere on the grounds of Graceland, in lovely Memphis, Tennessee, Elvis is turning uncomfortably in his grave. Who said it was okay for these idols to butcher his music?" Yes, I was that upset!

If I was forced to pick one from the remaining contestants, whom I felt could possibly, maybe, make a go of it, I would have to say it's Lee Dewyze. And that's not to say he is the best singer, or the most charming. On the contrary. I would pick him purely for his marketability. He looks and sounds a lot like what's on the radio and TV right now. As for his showmanship, well, with the exception of this week, he has been as exciting to watch as ladies' golf.

As for the other hopefuls, I don't feel they each deserve their own paragraphs. Instead, I will provide one-word opinions immediately following their names:

Tim Urban (Boring)
Aaron Kelly(Stiff)
Crystal Bowersox (Self-absorbed)
Siobhan Magnus (Delusional)
Casey James (Pretty) and
Michael Lynche (Conceited)

None of the adjectives used make for good, solid , successful artists. At the end of the day, that is what this show was about once-upon-a-time. Unfortunately, it lost its way. So, barring some incredible force of nature similar to the magnetic Mr. Cowell, I would say that it's time to bid adieu to American Idol. It was good while it lasted.